By Kiara Tsagkaris, Registered Psychotherapist (Q).
A Queer Guide to Surviving the Holidays
The holiday season is often celebrated as a time of joy, family gatherings, and shared traditions.
But for many queer people, it can also bring unique challenges. Whether it’s navigating difficult
family dynamics, confronting a lack of acceptance, or feeling isolated, the holidays can be a
tough time for those of us who are queer, questioning or otherwise marginalized. Whether
you’re navigating familial expectations, creating new traditions, or managing stress, here is a
queer guide to surviving the holiday, with a few ways to manage the season.
Consider how you are caring for yourself
The holidays can be an emotionally taxing time for our community, particularly when it comes to
interacting with family members or attending social gatherings where acceptance may be
lacking, and political tensions are high. Not every tip will fit, and some may not be culturally
appropriate. Consider which ones align with your values most!
Set Boundaries:
Where possible setting boundaries for yourself can be empowering and help
you better manage time spent with family. This can mean limiting the time you spend with them,
choosing not to engage in certain conversations, or if possible declining invitations to events
where you might not feel safe or welcome.
Practice Self-Compassion: The holidays often amplify feelings of loneliness or rejection,
especially if your identity is misunderstood or unaccepted by those close to you. Know that there
are so many of us out there that feel the same, you are not alone in this experience. Show
yourself care in any way that is accessible to you, it could be taking time to rest, spending time
doing your favorite hobby, or taking a long warm shower to warm your soul after a depletion
Interaction.
Seek Affirming Spaces:
If family gatherings are emotionally draining or outright harmful,
consider seeking out queer-friendly spaces during the holiday season. If you are unable to
disengage from family functions, adding in other affirming experiences can help offset the
impact. This might include time spent with others in the community; support groups; engaging
with queer content such as art, poems and music; or virtual spaces where you can connect with
others who share your experiences.
Create Your Own Traditions
If traditional holiday celebrations don’t resonate with you, consider creating your own rituals and
celebrations. There’s no one right way to celebrate, and making your own traditions can help
you reclaim the season, even if in a small way.
Create Chosen Family Connections:
For many of us in the community, our chosen family play
a powerful and meaningful role in our lives. Your chosen family can be made up of friends,
mentors, and other individuals who understand and support you just as you are. Organize
gatherings, dinners, or even virtual hangouts with people who make you feel loved and
supported.
Rituals of Self-Care and Celebration: You can create rituals that focus on self-care and
reflection. You can create rituals that celebrate your identity, personal milestones, or community.
Manage Conversations and Expectations
Decide What to Share (and What Not to Share): There are circumstances where it alright to
tell a white lie, and decide to keep things more private. Many of us may feel inauthentic if we
hide aspects of our identity, but your safety comes first and it is ok to protect yourself Know your
limits, and try not to feel guilty about protecting yourself by keeping things private when needed.
Many of us may feel inauthentic if we hide aspects of our identity, but your safety comes first
and it is ok to protect yourself.
Prepare for Insensitive Remarks: We can’t control other people’s words or actions so despite
your best efforts to avoid difficult conversations, you might encounter uncomfortable or outright
discriminatory comments. Prepare yourself mentally for these moments by identifying responses
that feel right to you. You can choose to challenge these remarks, educate, or simply deflect and
move the conversation forward. Trust yourself to know what’s best.
Reach Out for Support
If you’re feeling isolated or overwhelmed, it’s important to reach out for support from others who
understand your experiences. Many queer individuals struggle with feeling disconnected or
unsupported during the holidays, so you’re not alone.
Support Groups: Many LGBTQIA+ community centers or organizations offer support groups,
both in-person and online, where you can connect with others who understand the complexities
of navigating the holidays..
Online Communities: If local support groups aren’t available, consider reaching out to online
spaces that offer community and solidarity. There are numerous online forums, social media
groups, and virtual meetups where queer individuals can share their experiences, find
affirmation, and support each other.
Therapy or Counseling: If the holidays bring up feelings of grief, anxiety, or trauma, speaking
with a therapist or counselor can help. As a queer therapist working with my community, I have
witnessed how therapy can help us manage and process difficult experiences.
Final Thoughts
The holidays are a deeply personal time, and for the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, they can present
some unique challenges. It also gives us opportunities for self-expression. While it’s important to
protect yourself emotionally, it is not always possible or desirable to completely detach
ourselves from family. Instead, find ways of adding in experiences or activities that celebrate
who you are, create new traditions, and strengthen your connection to your community.
Remember that you deserve love, joy, and affirmation, no matter what the holiday season looks
like.
If you need help navigating the holidays, reach out for support, and take care of yourself with
intention. You’re not alone, and there’s a whole community of people who understand and
celebrate you. Seeking a therapist with lived experience, who has a focus on supporting the
community through these challenges can support you in managing family relationships and
healing old wounds. With a combination of education, specialized training, a trauma focussed
approach and personal experience I am prepared to help you move towards a life you want to
live. You can book a complimentary consultation online to ask questions and see if we are a
good fit.
Happy holidays, in whatever way you choose to celebrate!
BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL w Kiara Tsagkaris, RPQ
To learn more about Kiara and her practice, visit her HERE on Psychology Today.