By Kiara Tsagkaris, Registered Psychotherapist (Q).
Reconnecting with Sexuality After Traumatic Experiences:
Trauma can affect all aspects of our lives, from job performance, to relationships and sexuality. Reconnecting with sexuality after traumatic experiences can be challenging. These experiences shape how we relate to ourselves, our bodies, our identities and how we connect with others. If you have experienced past trauma, you may find yourself experiencing sexual dysfunction. Or you may find you are either less or more interested in sex than you once were. Whatever the case, you are not alone. Many people experience changes to sexual function and desire after traumatic experiences. In this post you will find some information to help you better understand these impacts and some tips for exploring your sexuality, reconnecting with yourself, and improving your sex life.
Understanding the impact of trauma on Sexuality
What is Trauma?
While the word trauma is used frequently, here it is used to describe experiences which are disturbing, distressing or overwhelming and have impacted our ability to cope. Trauma can include physical, emotional, or sexual abuse, accidents, loss, or significant life changes. Trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, and difficulty in forming healthy relationships. Know that whatever the case is for you, you deserve to get the help you need and healing is possible.
How Trauma can Affect Sexuality
- Disconnection from the Body: Many individuals who have experienced trauma may feel disconnected from their bodies. Dissociation and derealization are coping mechanisms where we mentally detach from the world around us, or our bodies. This disassociation can lead to difficulty experiencing pleasure or recognizing one’s own desires.
- Fear and Anxiety: Traumatic experiences can instill a sense of fear and anxiety around intimacy and sexual encounters. This can lead to avoidance behaviors or negative associations with sexual experiences.
- Trust Issues: Trauma often impacts one’s ability to trust others. This can make it challenging to engage in intimate relationships, leading to feelings of isolation. 4. Shame and Guilt: Survivors of trauma may experience feelings of shame and guilt regarding their bodies and sexuality. These emotions can inhibit healthy sexual expression and self-acceptance.
- Altered Sexual Response: Trauma can result in changes to sexual arousal and desire. Some may experience hypersexuality, while others may find it difficult to engage in sexual activity altogether. With either we may be seeking to restore a sense of control or autonomy.
- Flight/ Fight/ Freeze/ Fawn Response: We have all heard of flight and fight. When we perceive danger, in less than a moment our brains decide what the best course of action is, that is most likely to have us survive. Our response may be to leave, flight, if we can. If flight is not possible, our brain might choose to fight. If neither of these are possible, we may freeze or fawn. Freeze can look like disassociation, and is our mind’s way of protecting us from what is occurring. Fawn is a lesser known reaction, but we go along with what is happening, we may give our abuser what they want in order to secure our survival. Know whatever response you had during the traumatic event, it is not your fault, this response was chosen by your brain in a split second based on evolutionary knowledge ingrained in each of us. Survivors of trauma may find that they respond in these ways even when we are not faced with danger, like during safe and consensual sex and intimacy, but as we work to restore a sense of safety in your life this can improve.
Strategies and Tips for Reconnecting with your Sexuality after Traumatic Experiences
- Take the pressure off
Building a positive relationship with your body and sexuality can begin with sensual experiences that do not involve sex, or orgasm. Take the pressure off and explore sensation without a roadmap to an orgasm. This can help alleviate anxiety and help you get to know better what you do and don’t like.
Tip: Experiment with sensations, hot, cold, soft, firm, and notice what you do and don’t like. Explore pleasure with yourself or a partner without expectations.
- Understand
Understanding the connection between trauma and sexuality can empower you to navigate your experiences more effectively. Education can help normalize your feelings and responses.
Tip: Read books or attend workshops on trauma, sexuality, and healing. Knowledge can reduce feelings of isolation and provide new coping strategies.
- Seek Professional Support
Working with a therapist experienced in trauma and sexuality can provide valuable insights and coping strategies. Therapy can help you process past experiences and develop healthier relationships with yourself and others.
Tip: Look for professionals who specialize in trauma-informed care or sex therapy. A supportive therapist can guide you through your healing journey.
Conclusion
The connection between trauma and sexuality is complex and deeply personal. While trauma can create barriers to intimacy and self-acceptance, understanding and healing are possible. By prioritizing self-awareness, seeking support, and engaging in practices that foster safety and connection, individuals can navigate their experiences more effectively.
Working with a trauma informed, or trauma specialized therapist can help you increase your understanding of your past experiences, how they impact you today and build skills to manage your symptoms. I understand the innumerable ways that trauma impacts our identity, sexuality, beliefs and emotions. If you are struggling with the effects of trauma, and seeking support you are welcome to book a free 15 minute consultation with me to discuss how I can help you. No matter how long it has been, change is possible.
BOOK A FREE DISCOVERY CALL w Kiara Tsagkaris, RPQ
To learn more about Kiara and her practice, visit her HERE on Psychology Today.